


But You'd Be Thinking Of David, Right?

by nostalgia



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: Bizarre Characterisations of Actual People, Crack, F/M, Heterosexual Sex, I'm Sorry, Swearing, oldfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-16 04:02:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13046085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nostalgia/pseuds/nostalgia
Summary: “I put in so much effort not to call you David.” Matt and Jenna Make Love.(This is very old and VERY NOT TRUE BY THE WAY.)





	But You'd Be Thinking Of David, Right?

“Oh, Karen,” sighed Matt as they achieved the physical consummation of their love by which one of course means multiple simultaneous orgasms.

Jenna slapped him and ceased to straddle him, allowing his glistening penis to slip from her body as she moved. She sat up on the bed and reached for a pack of cigarettes. “How many times do I have to tell you not to do that when we're achieving the physical consummation of our love by which I mean multiple simultaneous orgasms?” She lit a cigarette and leaned over the bed to look for her surprisingly scandalous knickers.

“Sorry,” said Matt, and he really did mean it. 

“Fucking hell,” mumbled Jenna round the fag in her mouth, “I put in so much effort not to call you David.”

Matt sat up, penis wilting in the ray of fading sunlight that shone through the gap in the curtains. “Excuse me?”

Jenna shrugged. “Don't pretend you're shocked. You must get loads of girls who shag you but think of David while they're doing it.”

Matt had never thought of this. Now he would never be able to stop thinking about it, at least not while he was having sex with fangirls. Probably he wouldn't think about it while acting or while playing football with his mates. 

He rallied his meagre resources. “You're only saying that because I called you Karen.”

“No,” she said calmly, exhaling a thick cloud of carcinogens. 

“I've had a lot of sex with women who weren't thinking of David,” he protested. “Karen, Alex Kingston, Lis Sladen – may she rest in peace – and that woman from the episode with the vampires.”

“Did any of them call you 'Doctor' at the point of orgasm?”

“Um,” he said. Then he said “No,” which was a complete lie and he knew that it didn't sound at all convincing.

“Granted,” said Jenna, “there may be a few deluded fools who would be thinking of you while shagging David, but I think more of them are thinking of him while they're in bed with you.”

Matt's face fell, which took some time because he had quite a large face and he knew it.

Jenna picked up a bottle of vodka and took a swig of it before stepping into her knickers. “Though to tell you the truth, I don't think it would be the same when he doesn't have sideburns.”

“He's not the Doctor without sideburns,” said Matt, nodding. “He's just some skinny Scot who married the Doctor's daughter.”

“Which,” said Jenna, “is fucking weird. No wonder I shagged you instead of him.”

Matt shrugged. “If it makes Steven happy enough that he stops yelling at me in that incomprehensible mongrel dialect.”

“Pardon?”

Matt waved a hand. “Oh, you know. Steven's plan to breed future Doctors from old ones. That's why he was so keen on me having sex with my co-stars.”

Jenna stared at him. “That's even sicker than something I would come up with.”

“Yes,” agreed Matt, “you are quite twisted in both mind and soul.”

Jenna continued dressing. “I think that's why David strikes me as so attractive. He has a sort of... raw animal perversion to him.”

“I'm sick of hearing about David,” declared Matt.

“And I'm sick of hearing about Karen. The way you go on about her you'd think the sun shone out of her skinny ginger fanny.”

“Then we shall never speak of them again. Agreed?”

“Fine. Unless we get to work with David, in which case I have a special box of novelty condoms in my trailer.”

And so peace was achieved between the stars of Doctor Who.


End file.
